Okay, so I just wanted to blog a little bit about what’s been happening in my life for the last couple of weeks and to fill in some of the holes.
I had originally registered with a website to find an egg donor. I have Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) and I am unable to have a child of my own without the assistance of an egg donor. My doctor and nurse have steered me in an anonymous donor situation. I have had 2 failed referrals. The first donor that was referred backed out before anything ever started. She had been referred and then abruptly changed her mind. I was heart broken. So, a few weeks later, we received another referral who was medically unfit. She was over 30 BMI and blood work wasn’t within acceptable ranges. So, I was told that I would need to get another referral. The same day that I was told I needed a new referral, a friend of mine from high school offered to be a gamete donor for my husband and I. I had already been thinking that I would maybe ask her if she would be willing to donate for us (she’s offered in the past) before she offered this time, but still beat me to the punch. Then, I posted a video about known vs anonymous donors on facebook and it turned out that it was her BOSS talking about it.
I actually really love the idea of a known donor. I will get to know her and ask the silly questions that I had for the other donors, but was afraid to ask. Like, does she like black licorice? and what is her MBTI or enneagram type? or can she roll her tongue and does she have a curved thumb or straight thumb? I know these questions might seem trite to some people, and it’s really not “important” stuff, but it’s stuff that I find interesting about people. Did you know that MBTI is considered heritable traits and enneagram types are how a person learns to deal with the world. I would venture to guess that enjoying black licorice is a recessive trait, as I know more people who dislike black licorice than do. My grandmother and I both like it, but no one else in my family does. The curved thumb thing is also a recessive trait and the t0ngue thing is a dominant trait. Here’s a whole list of traits http://faculty.southwest.tn.edu/jiwilliams/Human_Traits.htm and I just find it interesting, plus I’m studying Genetics this term, so, it’s on my mind.
I love the fact that a kid that will come out of this will have a very large family. My lucky number is 3. And that’s the number of families this kid will have. I don’t even know my child yet, but I do know that I love them already and so does my husband and they will know how much my donor loved us to give us a precious gift. They’ll live with me and my husband, but just as you are connected to your grandparents and aunts and uncles, this child will so be connected with this other group of people and it’s not really fair to take them out of the equation. The kid should have the opportunity to decide later on what kind of relationship he or she chooses to have with this extended family, if any at all, but my donor and I have not made that decision for them at the outset. Access to medical history, is of course a concern, but also my friend also has 6 children of her own and a surro-son, through traditional surrogacy. Her own children are of the age that they understand the wonderful thing she is doing, providing something that someone else needs, selflessly.
I like the fact that my child will know where they come from, as so many donor-conceived children don’t. I would venture to say that the vast majority don’t know that they are donor-conceived. I like the fact that my family can be involved with this process and that they are so very supportive. I like that once the retrieval is done, the process isn’t over between my donor and I. The Chinese believe that there is a tiny, not quite visible, red thread, that connect people who belong together. I love that thought. What N & I didn’t know all those years ago, was that there was a little red-thread that connected us. Funny where life leads you, but you have to go where you’re lead, right?
My all-time favorite author is Richard Russo. He wrote Empire Falls, my all time favorite book. He says, “Lives are like rivers: they go where they must, not where we want them to.”