that moment I decided I don’t drink any beverages from a fountain. 

Being that I’m pre-diabetic, I have to be vigilant in my sugar and carb consumption. I know that coke has carbs, so I decline to drink those. Diet coke has artificial sweeteners. Those may are may not be good to consume, but I decline those, also. 

So, when I ordered an iced tea through the drive through today, I actually could taste that it was out of a fountain. In a quick search, I was able to pull up the nutritional information for both coke and Pepsi and there is a whooping 13 g of carbs in an 8 oz serving! Which you can find here.

When I told the cashier I didn’t want it, could she just get me water instead, she was incredulous. I said I don’t drink anything out of a fountain. She got really pissed off with me. Like really. I really dgaf if I paid for a fountain drink. I don’t want it. 

When I thanked her for getting me water, she scowled at me, and pretended not to hear me. 

Whatever. My body, my choice. No fountain drinks for me…

Speaking of gross, took my kids to chuck e cheese for dinner last night. My husband got them milk. When I poured it into a cup, it poured out like some gelatinous grossness that neither had the consistency or taste of milk. I also ate a fair share of pizza. About an hour after I got home, I needed to drink about a liter of water, just to dilute my blood from the sugar overload. I felt sick and ended up going to bed very early because I felt very unwell after dinner. The sauce is loaded with sugar, as is the pizza dough. 

Looking forward to a nice protein meal tonight with a hearty helping of salad and green veggies!

It occurs to me today, how much I going to miss the “ese”. You know, the secret language of your kids that you have to translate for outsiders. I’m not going to be the translator, anymore. 

V1 has a word for cut. It’s “ripped”. Like when you rip a piece of paper. She also tells people she’s Ceerah (Cinderella). And sometimes, she’ll courtesy instead of saying hello. And she does it at the store. I always have to translate to the strangers. But, I’m going to miss the transformations. 

And V2 will start needing to be translated. I’m going to miss out on that… 

And the realization of this makes me sad. 

Speaking of sad, v1 has been trying on different emotions lately. I’m sad or I’m mad. She doesn’t fully grasp them yet, but she’s getting closer to the mark everyday. 

Still, thank god for Skype. We plan to integrate this into family meal time. I’ll be an hour behind them, but for 30 minutes (or longer if need be) I’ll get to have dinner with my kids. 

15 months. It’s ONLY 15 months. And I get breaks. 

So, it’s no secret that I rip photos off of facebook. This pretty much summarizes the next 15 months of my life.

 My response to this is: you are your own worst enemy.

And my hubby reminds me: do or do not. There is no try.

My kids are way too cute.  And today, they have been WAY too cute.

V1 was checking our heart with her stethoscope, took our temps and proceeded to give us our shots saying, “It doesn’t hurt!”  Nope, it sure doesn’t.  I love it when she plays Dr/Nurse with us.  I don’t know which one she’s playing, but it doesn’t really matter.

V2 wanted to nursy to sleep tonight, as she always does, but she fell asleep a full hour early.  She was naked to her diaper, for no real reason.  I took off her jammies and she didn’t act like she wanted me to put clothes on her.  She alerted me several times to the fact that she needed a new diaper and is even making signs that she’s getting close to potty training.  Can’t get the girl to walk, but she wants to go potty in the toilet.  Breaks your heart!

V1 then broke a glass accidently, and got very scared.  We took care of the mess and got it all cleaned up.  She asked for a snack and she tried to get her “honey” out by herself.  Honey in her world means jelly.  But we don’t correct her. 😀  She got out the bread yeast.  Haha.  I went to put it back and in the process, the door shelf fell off.  I shouted at her to get out of the fridge, she said, “I’m sorry mom.  I’m just trying to help you clean it up.  I’m sorry mom.” to which, my heart exploded.  I’m sorry baby.  I didn’t mean to yell.  I was just frustrated at the refrigerator.  I know you were only trying to help.

Now, fingers crossed, she stays quiet and doesn’t wake up V2… PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t wake up V2.

Also, I started my certified background check for nursing school today after I saw that I had been registered for classes.  17 credit hours.  During the summer session.  Summer session is 8 weeks.  4 of the classes are 4 weeks long and 3 are 8 weeks long.  At least I have Thursdays off.  I will have to go someplace to have my drug test done and tomorrow I will be getting my 2nd Hep B vaccination.  I will need to get a hold of my titers and vaccinations that I received.  Oh boy.  This is getting real.  Too real.  And it’s pulling at my heart even more.  Soon, my kids antics will only be recent and distant memories.  I will get to see them on Skype and Facetime in the evenings during dinner.  They will be starting school and a whole new world will be theirs and I will only be able to experience it from a distance.  It just tugs at your heartstrings.  I love my kids with all my heart and I am going to miss them more than words.

This will be worth it.

I always have known a mother’s kiss was healing, but they never told me that a healing kiss from a preschooler would make my heart explode!

V1 noticed my bandaide and asked if the dr poked my finger. Then, took notice of my old belly button piercing that I took out in 08/09. She kissed my finger and belly button to make them feel better.

  

v1 & 2 had a really great Easter. They got little baskets from the bunny and he hid the eggs they colored yesterday. I had hoped to get the girls to the zoo today, but it was cold and didn’t warm up too much. Sure, there are plenty of buildings to walk around in and to look at. But we do those a lot and v1 seems to be getting a little bored of the same old same old. 

  

These are their eggs and the next one is of their baskets!

  

Now V1 really loves the spring flowers, so when she saw this blossoming tree, she was in absolute awe of it! I adore looking at the world through her little eyes!

  

Look at that HAIR! It goes about halfway down her back. There is a pretty big rats’ nest there that you can’t see, but we spent a good bit of this morning brushing out. Even with a detangler, it still wasn’t easy. I developed a tough scalp after my mother who probably wasn’t gentle about de-nesting my locks as a kid…we’re just going to have to brush her hair more often. Comes with having long hair…

Nothing else really going on to speak of right now. V2 is asleep and v1 isn’t far behind. 

Hope you had a nice Easter!

just in case I’m not feeling guilty enough…thank you Facebook for throwing it right back in my face…asshole

https://www.facebook.com/C100FM/photos/a.95269411315.102337.48972736315/10152632048561316/?type=1

  

Here’s a difficult post to write about. I have been largely quiet about it. Most people don’t understand and many people have thought and even said I’m a bad mother for doing it. You don’t have to agree with someone’s journey to support them, you know.

As you know, I have 2 young children V1-3 years old  and V2-15 months. And my hubby is in the Army. For the past 11 years, all of our marriage and then some, I have been trying to go back to school and figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. While we were stationed in Germany, I finally figured it out! With the help of a very dear friend of mine and a few German beers, we talked until the wee hours of the morning. We talked about what I loved doing (helping people) and how I could best utilize my talents and desire to help people. I never in my life (before that time) considered the medical field and always assumed I didn’t have the “right type” of intelligence to be a nurse. For a dream I never knew I had, I sure found a real passion. 

When I told my husband about this crazy idea, he was like, “hum, I don’t know…let me think about how I feel about this.” And I wasn’t sure it was something I would find a passion in, either. So we talked about it for several weeks. We contemplated what it would mean for our tiny, incomplete family. Finally, one day, he said, “well, if you want to try, who am I to stop you?” Or something to that effect. Then, a snarky remark about how I might quit smoking, if I became a nurse. And I laughed. Maybe. 

We moved back to the U.S. and we bought a house. We arrived too late for me to go back to school that fall, so I went back to work  as a waitress. I spent more money driving to and from this job than I made from it. And I wasn’t happy. 

At that time, I had also started doing fertility treatments which eventually lead to me getting pregnant with V1. In the spring of 2010, I started back to school and started working on nursing school pre-reqs. I applied to, and was accepted into an accelerated nursing program. In the early-middle of the program, I did a final IVF cycle that resulted in pregnancy. Now, understand that every cycle I had done up to then always resulted in a negative outcome, so I had to assume that the results would be the same. Except they weren’t. I finished the summer semester and registered for the fall term. I decided that it would be too hard and I dropped out. 

Fast forward 3.5 years. We have moved twice in this time. Added another baby, who is magic. I was told I had between 1-5% chance of conceiving on our own. And yet, I did. And we are very blessed. I started to get my application and pre-reqs in order to start applying to a new school and pursue this goal that never started out as a dream. An elusive goal. One of the things the new school required was that since I had been a nursing student before was to obtain a letter from my old school stating that I left in good standing. I wrote the old school an email and received a phone call not too long after that. I was told that I was still eligible to readmit back into the old school and that they would reserve a slot if I cared to come back. For me to go back into that school would require one of two things. That is: take the kids with me or leave the kids with my husband. And my husband had suggested that I take the baby and the older one stay here with him. But I didn’t want to split the kids up. When it occurred to him that both of them would stay here with him. 

Now, if you think this was an easy decision, you’re wrong. We talked and talk and continue to talk about it. A dozen times a day, I change my mind. But my husband asks me if being a nurse is what I want to do. Which it is. 

We have come to agreements and are planning breaks now; buying plane tickets so I can come home and be with the kids. 

Here’s an FAQ for you:

1. “When will you see your family again?” On breaks. There are breaks between semesters and there are mid semester breaks. Plus, we live in a technology filled world. I will get to “see” my kids on Skype everyday. 
2. Where will the kids go during the day? They are enrolled in a Montessori program and they will go there all day.
3. How long is your program? It’s 15 months, not counting breaks. 
4. What happens if your husband gets deployed? He won’t, but if his job requires extra hours, my inlaws are willing and able to help as his job requires. 
5. Where will you live? I have found a housemate and I will rent out one of her rooms for the duration. 
6. I could never leave my kids. Ok. Don’t, then. Honestly, I don’t really know how to respond to that. 
7. You should have never had kids, if you were just going to leave them. Really? This situation is very temporary. I’m not leaving forever. 
8. Do you think your kids will resent you for this? I sure hope not. I hope they grow to learn that education is important and that by bettering myself, I can be a better parent to them. 

There’s probably more questions I get, but these are the main ones I get asked a lot. 

I’m sure I’ll write more about this as I feel I need to or to clarify my situation. 

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3069576?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037

This article got me thinking, I haven’t started talking about one of the issues I actually wanted to talk about. And now of course, it’s 1030 at night and the lights are out, except for the blue glow of my iPad on my face. And I absolutely do want to have this discussion.  I just can’t do it right now. Not that I need help getting those thoughts out cohesively, but because I owe it my kids and hubby to go to bed and be with them right now. Because time moves quickly and soon, I will be staying up late and missing my family and wishing I could go lay down with my kids…

But I didn’t want to lose the article…so part two of this will come in the very near future!

I bid you a great night and I hope you’ll join me for part 2 soon.  Good night. 

So, check this baby out!  

  

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